Numbering my Days

These days, there are times when I become really aware of my own mortality. I kind of think, my days are numbered, which always sounds a bit morbid when you say it like that, until you realise that, in Gods economy, they have actually been numbered ever since the day you were born. Who even knows what their number is? For example, for me, I am nearing the end of my ‘three score and ten’ that the Psalms spoke about, while,  on the other hand, with current life expectancy in the west, I potentially have a good ten to fifteen years to go, if not more. 

Strange thing is that, as humans, we tend to suppress all thoughts of mortality from our minds, until they stare us in the face. We are too busy living, and part of our survival mechanism, especially when we have chosen to deny ideas about god and eternity, is to subconsciously banish all thoughts about death and the empty void beyond. 

For me, something like this (the cancer), makes me take time to relish and enjoy every day, whether sunshine or drizzle (mostly the latter at the moment), and give thanks for the smallest thing. To live for the moment, appreciate family and friends, and at the same time, look forward to a future that is made fuller and richer because of Christ, and that will never end. In trying to get around how God measures time, I recently found an article by Jon Bloom in DesiringGod quite helpful to read  (https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/my-times-are-in-your-hand).  It has the enigmatic subtitle -  ‘Learning to trust the speed of God’. Now, there’s an odd concept - God and speed. Pete Greig recently remarked in an interview that ‘God has two speeds - slowly, and suddenly’. I think I’m experiencing both right now. 

The sudden diagnosis and being wrenched away from our life in Athens, which happened so quickly, was not easy. And now I'm in this slow process of medication and healing which the doctor says will last for twelve months and more. A whole year out, I'm thinking! But whether, things are moving too fast or seem to be too slow, according to my time frame, they are always moving at the right speed for God. For him, the author of time, a thousand years are as but a day that has just gone by, as the old hymn says that we sing every Remembrance Day.

                (Myself, contemplating time and eternity at the ruined Castle (circa 14th Century) at Renvyle, on the western edge of Connemara a few weeks ago!)