In it for the Long Haul

The BBC website this week highlighted a report by the Relate organisation, calling for more support for older people in maintaining their relationships. This in the light of the growing incidence of marital breakdown among the elderly, the so called “silver divorce” trend. So it makes me ask the question what gives us that “stickability”, and why is it that many couples do stay together for the long haul.

Despite appearances and what the media might say, people want a relationship that will stand the test of time. Half a century ago, the Beatles posed the question “Will you still love me when I’m 64”. More recently, and more poignantly, Lana del Ray, in the Great Gatsby sings “Will you still love me, when I’m no longer young and beautiful. Will you still love me when I’ve got nothing, but my aching soul.”

So, if everyone wants it, if that’s the way we humans are wired, to stay together for the long haul, then how come it’s so difficult to achieve. I watched a TV interview this week in which Patti Scialfa spoke of the complexities of a long term relationship. “People are imperfect.” she said, “We’re all flawed. When you’re young and you get into a relationship you always think love holds some simplistic promise of completion. It’s not true. How could you put that on someone else. It’s too much.”

Who’s Patti Scialfa, you ask, (and I did too). Well, she just

happens to have been married to rock legend Bruce Springsteen for the past 16 years (though, as a member of his E Street band) they’ve known each other since the ‘80s). It’s nice to see that, in the glare of the public gaze and the frenetic rock star lifetsyle, a couple can commit to staying together for the long haul.

This August we will have been married 33 years. And there’s plenty of flaws. But it has been great, genuinely worthwhile over time to discover within ourselves, by God’s help, a mutual commitment to love, and understand and cherish the other person. In August 1982, just two years after us incidentally, there was another iconic couple who tied the knot in Ireland - and they’re still together - Bono and Ali Hewson.

She figures briefly in one of his early music videos (“The Sweetest Thing” - it’s a song about trying to put things right) and I love the expression on her face  - a kind of “”Who is this idiot sitting across from me, and how is it that I love him so much!”

Yes. Thank God for his strength for the long haul

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-23054615

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WybiA263bw